Tuesday, 23 November 2010

When is the 'right time' to have babies?

Apologies here for the somewhat dramatic nature of this post. I felt it was a suitable way to jump start my Tuesday!

Weddings and babies seem to go hand in hand. Probably because for many people having children is the next logical step after getting married.

Like many late twenty somethings, (yes okay, I'm 30 at the end of next year) I have pondered this question of the 'right' time to have bambinos. I love children and definitely want them. When, I'm not quite sure, and being recently single it doesn't exactly look likely for a while ;)

And there's so many questions surrounding having children.

How will I know if I'm going to be a good mum? How will I balance running my own business and raising a family? Will I still exist after I give birth or will I forever be know as mum?

And how long am I allowed to live without thinking about it? Will I turn into one of those, oh I so hate the word, desperate women, who feels like she's running out of time.

Urgh. What horrible thoughts!

It's a sad fact about womanhood that we can't physically have babies forever and because of that truth, will definitely look at our lives and wonder when we should have children, when the right time will be, and whether we'll even be able to. Yes. I am jealous of men in this regard. Charlie Chaplin anyone?

And it seems you're not even off the hook if you're married. I have a few married, so far childless friends who are always been asked when they're going to pop out a couple of sprogs. Questions which they feel defensive and slightly p***ed off about.

I think my point is that getting older and thinking about babies is hard. At 18, 21, 24 I thought about it, but in an abstract way. As I approach the big three-oh it's on my mind a bit more. I'm quite envious of my friends that know they don't want children. How lovely it must be to be sure. You can plan your future much easier in that regard.

Even me with my planning skills can't know the future. I might steal Jolie's crown as international adopter of a beautiful rainbow of children, I might have just one of my own or I might never have children. Whatever ends up happening, I'll get on with things and make the best of the cards I've been dealt. As that's all any of us can do really, and I guess that's part of the wonder and beauty of life.

What are your thoughts then on the whole 'baby thing'?


  1. I was told once that there isn't a right time, just some wrong times. It made sense to me. The wrong time for me would be when relationship isn't good, or when you've got major money worries.

    Ethan wasn't planned. I was about to quit my job, and - having bought the dress 6 months beforehand - I was 14 weeks pregnant on my wedding day. 37 weeks pregnant when we moved to Cornwall (from Kent - not a small move!). I kept the job (seemed sensible) and returned to it when Ethan was 11 months old.

    I never lost my identity. I am still me - I'm just mummy as well now. And the first few years are hard - children are physically and mentally demanding (and being a SAHM was so relentless) but now mine are 3.5 and 5 yrs old and I'm so happy with my little family.

    Really? It's not something you'll ever regret, whenever it happens.

  2. What a wonderful response Eliza, I have a full wide smile on my face now. Thank you!

  3. Agree with Eliza - there is never a right time. Personally it's the wrong time for me now, lol. I'm 24 and married to my wonderful husband for almost 3 years now and we do get pissed off by all the questions like 'when are you guys gonna pop out a sprog'. It's what people expect of you after you get married. I don't know whether it's because I'm young, but I'm not sure I can cope with the pressure of having a child. I'm a very emotional person and I always think too much about stuff. I would be sh..ing myself when I'll have to let my child go on the street on its own, or if he/she will have troubles at school, or health issues - I'm not sure I can emotionally deal with these situations. Having said that I do want a family and all my friends who have kids say that it's the best thing that can happen in life. I strongly believe that what's meant for you won't pass you by. So I guess, time will show :)

  4. I was told that you're never necessarily ready but boy do you try when you're pregnant!

    I'm past 30 now and actually want to cling on to my selfish life with my husband now. Children are blessings but as lives in formation require full mental and emotional support. I am still globe trotting. shopping, and living my life so it's hard for me to give that up. I have 2 friends who are recent mothers - 1 is an italian and is very much still living her own life still (she also has a helper though) while the other hardly eats, sleeps, or socializes anymore (her 8 month old is quite fussy). I hope to be the former of course and still have my own life. But we'll see!

  5. lady
    thank you so much for this post
    it is so great to know that someone else is thinking/working through this too. and i'm sure women everywhere are all the time but i really appreciate how honest and real you are about it
    this has been a discussion lately in my marriage about the "right time" so instead of setting a time frame my husband and i set goals we'd like to achieve before having a baby
    but even then, will we be ready after those goals are achieved?
    and are you ever really ready?...whatever that means.
    i say no...what my husband and i have been dealing with more recently is that we just want to spend time together and when we both look at each other and say we want to have a baby and we feel ready, thats when we'll do it.
    you are going to be a beautiful mother...whenever the "right time" comes

  6. this is a GREAT post! i don't want kids yet, but i definitely understand the yearning and confusion. i don't think babies are something you can put on a timeline or a list, life has its own changes you're gonna have to be ready for (either way!). you're going to be a great mom, most of the evidence lies in that you're concerned about being a great mom.

  7. You girls are lovely! Thank you for your sweet comments. We're all going to be kick ass mums when we're ready! xx

  8. It's a good question. I'm 38 and wish that I tried to have them sooner especially since I've been with the same person since I was 14! We took our time and here we are. I so wish I would have tried in my early 30s. Oh well, c'est la vie :)

  9. I agree there's no right time, only a few wrong times. A good time is when your best friends are having babies, then you can share the joy together (although you may not stay best friends - people do change). Obviously ideally before 35. But also I would say when you know what you like and how to put on make up in the car mirror at traffic lights!

  10. 33 is the age i am having in my head, but as we all know life is crazy and you never know what will happen.
    I always thought I want 2 one day.
    And then there were times where I thought NEVER, I just don't want kids at all.
    The point is really that you can't plan it too much.
    And that it needs 2 doesn't make it any easier.
    I agree with all the others.
    But just don't worry about it, it will figure itself out.

  11. I'm pretty sure there is never a right time.

    We shall see...


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